Weaning and my musings about nursing.

This sounds silly, but I was nervous to post much at all about my nursing experience until now because I was afraid to "jinx" it or something.

Maddie and I have been extremely lucky in our breastfeeding relationship. Yes, the beginning was tough and I dealt with a lot of pain (let's just say I used a lot of my labor techniques while nursing), a bit of a poor latch, oversupply (gagging babe), and a few panicked posts on my local mom's message board. However, once we got into our groove after a few weeks, nursing was a breeze and Madison and I were so happy with that part of our relationship.

I've never experienced a clogged duct or the dreaded mastitis. At around a year we realized that nursing at night was causing Mads to wake more and more often, so we decided to night wean. Aside from the very occasional 4 or 5AM feeding, she was night weaned by 13 months. From 13 months to 16 months, she was BFing from 3-5 times a day. Between some light encouragement on my end and Madison's decreased interest, we reduced that to 2 times a day: upon waking and as part of her bedtime routine.

I found that 2 times a day was a fantastic balance for us. I felt like I got a little more of me back as I didn't have to be quite so careful about how much caffeine I drink, etc, and Maddie didn't ask to BF aside from morning and night.

Two nights ago (at 17 months) Mads spent the night with Grandma and Grandpa, so I wasn't there to nurse her first thing in the morning and she didn't ask when I showed up to pick her up. That night, she decided she would rather read her books than nurse. This morning, she had basically the same reaction. I asked her if she wanted milk and she matter-of-factly said "no." I'd be lying if I said a tear didn't come to my eye.

I'm really glad that she's the one leading the way and that I didn't have to try to push her, but I'm still sad. That time we spent snuggled in the glider or in the bed nursing while she twirled my hair in her tiny fingers and I spread kisses across her forehead was intensely precious to me. It's the end of an era... an era I will miss deeply.